Introspection and a song for my f-list


So, this has been a bad week for me. Not the most horrible of my life—I've had worse, and I'm sure there'll still be weeks in my future to rival this one. If you're reading my journal, then you're of age and you understand, though, that when you're right in the middle of a bad week, it truly does feel like the worst one.

I was reading sansa1970's journal the other day, and she made a general remark in her post that brought me up short, something on the order of, "How important will this seem to you in five years?" A smart woman, she is. It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it, that forces us to remember we've been in this spot before and lived to laugh, love our family, enjoy our friends again.

Being a miserable person has never been a personal goal of mine, although I know I'm capable of it. Color me naïve, but I guess I've believed that people who are bitchy and mean and proud of it surely couldn't have set out to be that way intentionally, could they? Jury's still out on that one.

So, I was listening to my iPod and I came across a song I love, and it lifted my spirits and made me realize how I was perhaps judging people I don't know very well and probably don't understand. But that's their story, not mine, and they have to live with themselves and make decisions and try to make the best of things, just like everyone else does. I may not understand why they are the way they are, but I'm ready to believe again that there's a reason for it. Hopefully they'll come to a place where they can be happy without it being at the expense of other people. If I can pull myself up short and have an epiphany, so can they.

Anyway, the song is The Prodigal Suite by Keith Green. It's about twelve min long, partly instrumental, partly sung. For those of you who don't know his story, Keith Green was a singer/songwriter who died at 28 in a small aircraft crash, along with two of his young children. This song was a partial inspiration for my story, 'The Invisible Son', which is about the redemption of Percy Weasley.

In five years, this horrible week won't be important at all. What will be important is how I conducted myself, and the friends who stick closer than a brother, because in the end, it's only people who matter, not all this other stuff we think is important.

That's been my problem, most of this week, letting the 'stuff' become more important than it should. I suppose all of us get hurt along the way—a part of life, unfortunately. At the end of mine, though, I do believe I'll have to account for my words and actions, so for me, I'm moving on—not without a struggle—but I'm moving on.

I have the 'fight or flight' reflex under control, and that's been the hardest part, but perhaps the most character-building one.

Hope you like the song; I wanted to give it to you all. Thanks for all the years of being f-list friends, and here's to many more.